Lessons Learned the Hard Way

If you're like me, you learn most things in life the hard way. Here are a few of my more recent lessons:

1. If the four-year-old says that there's a flood of pee in the bathroom, she means EXACTLY what it sounds like.

2. The automatic garage door will shut even if the back of the mini-van is open.
3. There's never really a good time to give a four-year-old a blue Popsicle, but thirty minutes before her dance photos definitely isn't one of the good times.

4. If the directions on the medicine say "May cause sensitivity to sunlight," what it really means is: "If you walk in front of an open window on a sunny day while taking this medicine, you will break out in a hideous rash over 75% of your body."

5. You should never wear your skinny pants on the first day back from a vacation that involves eating a fourteen course meal. (In fact, you should remove all skinny pants from their hangers and hide them in a box prior to leaving on a vacation involving a fourteen course meal so that you won't accidentally put a pair on when you return.)

6. If the twelve-year-old offers you some gourmet Jelly Bellies, and you know there's even the slightest chance that there may be a barf-flavored one in the bag, run -- do not walk -- away. (Trust me on this one!)

And finally,

7. Don't leave chocolate in your nice new purse and then leave the purse in the mini-van -- in June -- in South Texas.